Goon Porn: No-Nonsense Guide To Being a Better Gooner in 2024

As the shemale’s cock slid out of your mouth with a trail of drool attached, you hardly had a chance to breathe before a Goonette’s mangled twat clamped itself onto your face.

Attending this Pornosexual NYE party was one of the best and most eye-opening decisions you’d ever made, and the thought of what the New Year would bring made your cock dribble.

With a new year comes new beginnings, and Pornosexual Gooners are no exception. Pornosexuality is advancing at a rapid pace, and this is no time to be left behind.

My beloved readers often ask me about how they can better their Gooning journey and be a better servant of porn. As the Queen of Whores, I’m only too happy to aid them in their mission.

That’s why I decided to pen this straightforward 12-step guide that will guide you to be the best porn-worshiping Gooner that you can be this year. Now, are you ready to start your mission?

Start Your Day Like a True Porn Loyalist; On Your Knees in Front of a Mirror

As the carpet burns into your knees, you’re reminded of what Pornstars in a blowbang must feel. Looking into your own eyes, you see nothing but the burning light of Porn.

The worship of porn begins from the moment you wake up. After washing your face, brushing your teeth, and making yourself presentable for porn, drop to your knees in front of a mirror.

Then, repeat a series of Gooning mantras out loud for ten minutes and remind yourself of your porn-worshiping mission in life.

From Gooning captions to pledges of anal orgasm allegiance, these mantras can be anything you like, as long as they reinforce your pornosexuality. Oh, and speaking of Goon captions.

Read a Minimum of 25 Gooning Captions Per Day

As you absorb the perverted messages spread across some of the most divine smut ever seen, you picture a future where such XXX propaganda lines the streets in a Pornosexual society.

Porn propaganda is a powerful tool in the arsenal of any Gooner, so a minimum of 25 Goon captions per day is an ideal way to become a devoted slave of smut.

From slideshows and Twitter feeds to Reddit and the Pornosexual content other Gooners send you, absorb as much as you can throughout the day until your fuck meat leaks down your thigh.

Maintain a Good Job So That You Can Spend More Money on Porn

At the end of the working month, you retire to your Goon Cave with a wallet full of cash to devote to Porn, buy gifts for Porn Goddesses, and attend adult conventions to meet them IRL. 

For many of us, Porn is life. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive to maintain a life outside of smut. Maintaining a good career is crucial to a successful Gooning journey. 

After all, how do you expect to pay for premium porn and buy the kind of revolutionary sex toys required to take your Pornosexuality to the next level?

Watch a Minimum of Six Hours of Porn Per Day

You’re almost going cross-eyed in the grip of pleasure, and your brain has been wholly Porn-washed. 

An alarm goes off on your phone, signaling the end of your daily six-hour Gooning session, but you’re not stopping anytime soon. 

Many Gooners wonder how much porn they should watch a day to maintain a Pornosexual state of mind, and the answer is a minimum of six. 

Yep, you should dedicate at least a quarter of the day to the glory of porn. Whether in one long Gooning session or spread out throughout the day, ensure Porn gets the attention it deserves.

Always Edge, Never Cum!

As your spit-soaked hands pump your fuck meat for the sixth hour in a row, you crave the sweet release of orgasm. But you know far better than to do that and disappoint your Porn Goddesses.

You release your grip at the last moment, causing a pathetic dribble of sticky love juice to ooze from your dick, which is now quivering and aching.

As you glance back at the smut blasting from your screen, you see the approving look of the Porn Queens you worship looking back at you with a smirk. Well done, Pump Piggy.

This is a Pornosexual no-brainer, but you should maintain your edge for as long as physically possible in the worship of Porn and see if you can last all year!

Recycle Your Pre-Cum And Always Taste Your Own Love Juice!

It took you a while to build up the courage, but the first time you consumed your own pre-cum was magical and sent electric shocks across your perverted body. 

Drinking your own pre-cum while jerking off soon became a vital part of any Gooning session, and you began to look at it like some kind of Pornosexual energy drink.

While you might not be able to cum, that’s not to say you can’t taste the same divine salty mess that Pornstars guzzle down their wet throats. After all, your Goon Stick is a leaking mess.

Throughout your Gooning sessions this year, scoop up that messy pre-cum and suck your fingers clean to fuel yourself into all new highs of Pornosexuality.

What better way to connect with your favorite Pornstars than by sharing the same taste running across their tongues as they milk men’s cocks dry? Oh, and speaking of staying hydrated.

A Good Porn Slave is a Healthy One; Stay Hydrated & Hit The Gym

It only took a few weeks of going to the gym and creating a hydration schedule, and you found that your Gooning Marathons were amplified in terms of stamina, enjoyment, and pleasure.

Critics of Pornosexuality assume that many Gooners are unhealthy, overweight, and forsake their health for Porn. In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth in most cases.

An unhealthy Porn Slave is a useless one, so you should always devote time out of your day to stay fit, stretch, drink water, and work towards being the best devotee to porn you can be.

A strong body and mind is the perfect tool for Porn to enslave, and you’ll never truly be accepted into the ranks of the Gooner Army if you’re not up to the required standard.

Spend Thirty Minutes a Day Watching Porn Without Touching Yourself 

Not maintaining an edge and keeping your hands off your dick opens your eyes to the sheer beauty of the porn you’re watching, from the oil-soaked Mommy Milkers to the fishnet-clad feet.

You now see all new levels to the porn you’re watching, from tiny details like women rolling up the waistband of their skirts to look even sluttier, to the sheen of the cum on their bodies.

This is one of the most demanding challenges that a Pornosexual can be issued with, and it consists of spending thirty minutes a day watching porn without touching your fuck meat.

Why? Because it allows you to truly be hypnotized by the sheer beauty of smut and appreciate the sheer beauty of Porn-Grade women as your dick leaks while being helplessly abandoned. 

Listen to the Sounds of Porn While You Sleep

With noise-canceling headphones in, you fall asleep to the sounds of Porn Goddesses and wake up to their erotic tones, leaving you wondering why you never started doing this sooner.

Just like staying hydrated and going to the gym, a Gooner equally needs his rest when he’s not pulling an all-night Porn marathon. However, if you think Porn sleeps, you’d be mistaken.

While you’re in a subliminal state of sleep, it is the perfect time to absorb soft Gooning Hypno tracks via headphones or a speaker on low volume.

Do this for a few weeks or months, and you’ll soon see your Gooner mindset change dramatically as the sweet tones of perverse Porn Goddesses whisper into your ear every night.

Never Forget to Lick Your Screen in Devotion to Porn

As the well-worn cunt of the woman on screen is hammered by a shiny black cock, she erupts with jets of sticky squirt. Suddenly, you lunge at the screen and run your tongue across it.

One of the most underrated ways that a Gooner can show their worship of Porn is via licking the screen that their favorite smut is blasting out of. It’s humiliating, taboo, and utterly perverse.

Get that tongue out and run it over the pixels of your favorite Porn Goddess and imagine that you can taste her cunt meat, the sex sweat caking her body, or the cum dripping from her tits.

Hopefully, you can taste the divine sights on the screen over the overwhelming taste of your own pre-cum clinging to your tongue, but there’s only one way to find out!

Connect With Other Gooners Online And In-Person

Gooning alone and spending some ‘’you time’’ is divine, but it’s even better when mixed with some socializing and inspiration from like-minded Pornosexuals.

From the Whoreuro Discord to Gooning Subreddits, there’s a tonne of places to connect with like-minded Gooners online, share tips and advice, and, of course, spread porn!

Thanks to the abundance of adult conventions taking place worldwide, there’s also never been more chances to connect with your fellow Gooners in real life.

Maintain Good Relationships With Non-Porn Family & Friends

And last but by no means least, we come to one of the most essential and wholesome rules of positive porn addiction, and that’s maintaining good relationships with friends and family.

A healthy social life alongside Pornosexuality is one of the essential foundations to a Gooner being the best Pornosexual that he can be, and should never be neglected.

Now, Are You Ready to Take The New Gooning Year By Storm?

We’re now living in an era where Pornosexuality has reached levels of popularity never before seen. It’s becoming harder to call it a mere subculture anymore. It’s a way of life.

I hope this guide to being the best Gooner you can be has given you some crucial advice in ways that you can better your Porn worshiping journey and take your Gooning to new levels.

Praise porn. Worship Porn Goddesses, and never neglect your health, friends, or family in the pursuit of Porn greatness. Remember, an unhealthy Porn slave is a useless one.